After going through some of this coaching theory stuff, I've realized that learning all of this will also allow me to be a better athlete, teammate, and captain.

I'm so excited to learn more about coaching and am very motivated to further my education in this field.

Only tedious part is writing out all the hours of lesson planning. Oh well, it's well worth it.

I love expanding my knowledge and being open to new and different things.

Blah

Blah

What an epic weekend.

Best weekend of the summer. By far.

I'm counting down the days until Montreal! I can't wait to compete again. 12 days until the tournament starts! I'm excited to see what some of the teams look like this year.

Come September, I'm going to be MIA for a while. Once I get back from the tournament, I'll have 4 jobs. I'm a pretty organized person, but I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to schedule in some gym time. I'm sure once I get a handle on everything, I'll be able to figure out a good rhythm.

Hopefully my last few weekends of the summer can live up to what this past weekend provided me with.

<3

Sometimes I get confused, but with a simple hello, I'm just smiling.

I don't know what it is. I don't know what this means or if it means anything.

For right now, I'm happy when I'm with you. For right now, you're what is on my mind.

Who knows what will happen down the road. Who knows if our feelings will remain.

I like this unknown. I like the mystery.

I'm happy. I'm really happy.

Isn't that what we all strive for? Isn't that what keeps us motivated?

I miss going portaging and camping.

Why?

I miss packing my stuff into the dry bag, pitching a tent somewhere new every night, packing up a canoe depending on the waves, the mental focus required when you're tired, sitting around a campfire, and the starry skies. The one thing I miss the most is getting to your campsite for the evening, exploring the area you're staying in, and the silence. Pure, true silence. You take a deep breath in and as you exhale, it feels as though all your worries go away. Your eyes close and you start breathing in your surroundings. I can sit there for hours, think, and listen to the silence. No electricity, no technology, no motor vehicles. For those moments, its just you and nature. You look out out to the lake, you can see the moon and stars reflection on the water. Natural light. You look at the leaves and branches rustling with the wind. Pure and real. It's an escape from reality. It's relaxation at its finest.

As connected as I am to my technology, I would much rather live without it. Technology causes so many problems, issues, frustrations, and unneeded stress.

I haven't been portaging in over seven years.

Why? I've made sacrifices, compromises.

Why? They did not enjoy it.

Why? I'm not sure anymore.

I think I need to start making a bucket list.

Every now and then, I try to stop. I feel like I'm a nuisance, so I stop. It's so hard, but I must do it. I've succeeded for a few hours.

Then, I get a message. The smile returns to my face. All self-control runs and hides.

The game of hide-and-seek with the self-control begins all over again.

Why do I feel this way? Feelings are too strong and its so hard to contain them, but I must. It's just better this way.

Is it?

Sigh.

Taking a step back

When you see these same faces at least three times a week for the same purpose, you tend to forget that they have lives outside of these times. Sometimes, we're so engulfed with the goals of the practice, that we lose sight that these people may be going through a tough time in their life.

I guess in conjunction with the lessons I learned this weekend and today's reality check, I'm not a fan of these informal "hey, how are you?" greetings. Honestly, how many times do you say that in passing. Now, how many of those times is someone going to give you a true and honest answer. We need to start taking the time to stop being just teammates and becoming friends.

The e-mail I received from my friend today helped me take a step back and realize how poor of a friend I've been lately. How did I not know this? Where have I been? I wish I had known earlier.

It's usually that one occurrence that requires you to reflect and realize what is going on. It takes a strong person to admit that they've done something wrong or poorly. It takes an even stronger person to go and make that change.