So, if you've ever lost someone, you will be able to relate to this. It's been about a year and a half now for me. This person has been one of the largest influences in my life. Let's say that I haven't had the most storybook upbringing. Well, I did for a while.

Reflecting back, there's only been one person who I've looked up to and wanted to emulate. Now he's gone and I must live to make him proud.

Certain days, you feel ok. You feel like life is continuing and that you're doing fine. Then comes a crossroads, a decision that leaves you stopped in your tracks. What would he have done? What would he tell me? I know that deep down in my heart, whatever decision I make, he supports me 100%. I tell myself that he just wants me to be happy.

He was the one that made me happy. I remember the times when he walked me home from school, made me lunch, rode our bikes together, ate 2 for 1 pizza, when he took care of me when I was sick, and how proud of me he was. He was my number 1 fan, my backbone, my first step when I needed a push. Nobody can ever replace him.

Some days I wake up and I feel like I need him, that I need his support. These days are my toughest. I go through the motions of the day and I think about if I'm making him proud, if I'm doing the right things. What would he say to me if he were still here?

Everyone says that when I walked into the room, his face would light up with a smile.

I wish I could tell him that I love him and that I'll do everything to make you happy.

Today is one of those rough days. Life goes on. I know this, but I would give anything to bring you back.

I love you and I miss you.

12.21.09

Forever in my heart. <3